I have often felt a guilty pang sharing the happy moments.
Because of Trevor’s medical challenges I am very sensitive to those that are living some of the darkest moments of their lives right.this.very.moment.
I never want anyone to feel like I’m rubbing our “happy” in.
If that makes sense.
It also drives me bonkers that people see a snap-shot in time and so easily believe it represents the whole.
Trevor has many, many happy moments.
I cherish them deeply. He has taught me how to appreciate glimpses of beauty in a way that would never have been possible without him.
But our happy is always mingled with tragedy.
In so many of those happy moments we see glimpses of the boy he could have been…
and our hearts smile-grieve.
And long deeply for the day when Healing washes over him…and us all.
coupled with distorted perceptions…
could never share the whole story.
But nothing other than living IN the story can ever fully capture it.
This past year in particular…I have been overwhelmingly drawn to embracing the happy moments. Cherishing them even more. And sharing them too.
Maybe it’s because Trevor could have died last year. Indeed, his sister still has nightmares that he did. So scary was that night.
Maybe it’s because we’ve faced some other real health scares this year as well. The kind that effect Trevor but don’t belong to him.
Maybe it’s because this world is so saturated with sadness and groady and bitterness on every side that sharing our happy moments with each other isn’t only sweet…
These thoughts have been swirling in my heart for a while. Sharing them today was inspired by this post. Which you should totally read!